Everyone loves Facebook it seems. Except the parts we hate about it.

Here, I have compiled a list of the top twelve most commonly complained about Facebook habits. Maybe you agree – maybe you’re guilty? Either way, we all know someone who has committed at least one of these offences at some point. Enjoy!

1) Gushing about your wonderful snuggly partner in every single status update. I loathe people who do this so much that I wrote an entire article about it!

2) Bitching about your ex in every single status update, once the love goggles have fallen off and you’ve realised he’s an idiot. I have never been exactly sure what these people are trying to achieve; it only makes you look immature, and your ex glad they got away! (For the record, “So-and-so is totally over her ex and had a great day with her girlfriends, who are so much better than men anyways” sort of statuses are also really annoying, and quite transparent…)

3) Fishing for sympathy in your status updates (usually because you have neither partner to gush about nor ex-partner to bitch about). “So-and-so wants a hug : (“, “So-and-so had a really crappy day” etc – you know the sort of thing I am talking about.  Inevitably, twelve people will pop up saying something like “Aww, babes, huggles!”, which makes you feel better about yourself, somehow.  Again, this just makes you come across as small and needy.

4) Pandering to or encouraging any of the above. It’s just attention seeking, and you’re feeding it.  If you didn’t keep responding to it, they wouldn’t keep doing it, honest.

5) Filling out questionnaires. There are two sorts of offense here: a) the kind that ask you questions about people, and then spam their walls with this un-asked for information; and b) the kind that ask you what you’re doing right now, who the last person you spoke to on the phone was, and other inane questions.  Seriously, get a life!  No one cares whether you would ever kiss us or not, or what you think of our clothes.  And we especially don’t care what you had for breakfast.  Fill them out, by all means, if you really have nothing better to do, but please don’t bore us with the answers.

6) Adding people you’ve not spoken to in years, and barely spoke to even when you did know them. And then trying again when they ‘ignore’ you.  And then trying again when they ‘ignore’ you. And then trying again when they ‘ignore’ you. Ad infinitum.  Not sure I need to even bother explaining why this one is irritating.

7) Hijacking people’s status update threads with completely irrelevant side tracks. You: “So-and-so wonders what to have for tea”. Them: “Heya, long time no speak! When you coming to visit me?”  Maybe this one is just a personal beef, but it seems silly to leave a comment that is not actually in response to anything said previously.  If you did this in normal conversation, you’d get some funny looks, so why do it on Facebook – if you want to start a new topic, we have Walls for a reason you know.

8 ) Joining/Liking 1001 different groups/pages… everyday.  This just clogs up our newsfeed, and half of them are in-jokes or daft anyways.  So, you like ‘toast’  do you?  And ‘jam’ and ‘put your hands up if you’ve got a tattoo’?  (Don’t even get me started on the poor English in most of their titles…) My rule is, pretend you had to pay £10 for every one you join; and only join the ones that really mean something to you!

9) ‘Subtle’ or passive-aggressive subtext bitching; “So-and-so thinks that a certain someone ought to do something if she wishes to keep a certain someone else as a friend”. This can be done in a manner of different ways, including – my personal favourite – vaguely relevant or referencing song lyrics.  But none of them are as clever or as sneaky as you think they are.  First of all, it’s a public domain, we’re going to see it.  And we all know who and what you’re talking about – say it to my face please.

10) ALL the games. Farmville, Cafe Town, Mafia Wars, Poker, whatever. They’re annoying; they’re not the point of Facebook, and if we weren’t playing them before, which we weren’t, we’re not about to start just because you threw a cow at us…

11) ‘Liking’ every single thing every single one of your friends ever does on Facebook. Even if you have no idea what they’re talking about, or haven’t spoken to them in months.  I understand it’s fun pressing pretty buttons, but please, show some restraint or you’ll dilute the already weak significance of the thing!

12) Silly invented middle names in inverted commas. You are NOT “So ‘Rumpy Pumpy -and-so” – grow up!  The only time this is acceptable is if you actually are called by a nickname by more than half of the people who know you, otherwise it’s just silliness and makes you look about 13.

Agree or disagree?  Let me know what you think – and feel free to nominate your own favourite Facebook pet peeves!

Tagged: Articles, Facebook on Monday, May 17, 2010 · 5 Comments »